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By Susan Dunn
Got your attention? Everyones favorite subject.
Ill begin by stating again a myth that dies hard: That people over 60 [substitute your own age] arent having sex. Part of this is that we just dont want to think of our parents as actually having sex, no matter how old they are, no matter how old we are.
Guess what? Your parents are doing it. So are your grandparents. If theyre a healthy couple, that is, who enjoy each other and are still enjoying life.
Sex over 60 is sublime. Sex under 60 is also sublime. In this article lets look at the things that make sex over 60 sublime, in a humorous way, because some of the things that startle, amuse, and slightly embarrass you about your Granny are some of the things that can make sex under 40 sublime.
1.
Your Mom arrives at your house and youre having a discussion over breakfast cereal, and she says, Monica, I hope youre letting Harry make love to you with the lights on. Men like that, you know.
Put the blush away. Shes talking, and thats what makes for good sex. Older folks dont mince words. Get comfortable with anatomy, natural processes, and needs, and talk about them openly. Talking about what embarrasses you could be exactly what could save or enrich your marriage.
And be open-minded. Some men like to make love with the lights on, some dont. Some women like to make love with the lights on, some dont. How will you know if you dont ask? How will you know if you don’t try it?
2.
Granny comes to see your new baby boy and says, Looks like his penis is healing just fine, Elberta.”
Those cute little phrases I wont go into are fine for bonding, but they take something away in the long run. Call your body parts by their real names. This will both empower you, and demystify sex, and thats a great combination.
3.
Youre appalled at your mother-in-laws lifestyle, and also a bit jealous.
Since her husband died 5 years ago, shes been living in a resort retirement community. She plays tennis and golf with her boyfriend, spends lazy afternoons by the pool, and they take long cruises. She looks 10 years younger, has a glow, and your husband says hes never seen her happier. When they come to visit you, theyre always hugging and holding hands. You walk around a corner and catch them kissing!
You MUST make time to approach this leisurely lifestyle with your partner. You must create a space for what comes naturally to occur, and in the midst of crying babies, promotions and downsizings, leaky faucets, dirty dishes, creeping kudzu, and dog-poop scooping, remember your dating days when you spent hours just gazing into each others eyes and touching.
4.
Your Granpa comes over and says to you, Son, you leave that pretty little filly alone like this and shes gonna jump the fence and go lookin. Whens the last time you [wink wink nudge nudge].
The words may make you squirm. The message may too, because its not about denial. Whats going on has been labeled, the consequences outlined, and the solution presented. It works. Try it. Your own style, words, and timing, of course, with knowledge of your wife, not his or anyone elses.
5.
Your Mom says, Jen, when I walk in here I can cut the tension in the air. Theres something you and Nick arent dealing with.
If you deal with what comes up when it comes up, there wont be tension in the air. Time and experience teach us to read other peoples emotions, take the temperature in the air, and become more empathic, which makes for great relationships. You can jumpstart this process by studying Emotional Intelligence with a certified EQ coach.
6.
Dinners over and your parents are leaving. Your father, a man of few words says, Anne, your mom and I are coming over next weekend to take care of kids while you and Anthony get away. No arguments.
Make this time. Money is not the crucial component. Put the kids down for Saturday naps and have your own getaway. If there is money, hire a sitter and go to a hotel for a weekend somewhere with that resort community atmosphere thats letting your mother-in-law have so much fun.
7.
Aunt Grace is over and shes talking about her health again.
Staying on top of your physical health is important. Dysfunction and displeasure can have a physical component. Start with a physical checkup if your desire or capacity has faltered.
8.
Mimis sitting on the patio with you. I just read the other day, she says …
Read, study, stay abreast of whats new. Theres so much on the Internet thats easy access.
9.
The secret to a good marriage? your Uncle Ben is saying, “It’s ….”
Unless you want a room-mate who does your laundry [mows the lawn], get your marriage and sexual relationship out of the realm of mysterious and mystical.
Try telling someone you cant stand garlic in your mashed potatoes without using the words mashed potatoes, garlic, and cant stand.
If you have trouble getting started on communicating there are wonderful relationship, marriage and sex coaches, counselors, and therapists ready to help! Its worth it.
10.
Take it up a notch.
When your six-year-old daughter doesnt like the way you comb her hair, she screams, fidgets, pulls away, cries, pushes you away, runs to her room and slams the door shut, says it makes her head hurt, and learns to tell when its coming and disappears at these times.
You connect the dots.
Sex. It does a body good. Deal with it like grown ups do! Talk!
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Susan Dunn, MA, Personal Life and EQ Coach,
susandunn.cc
. Offering coaching, Internet courses and ebooks for your personal and professional development.
sdunn@susandunn.cc
for free ezine.
I train and certify EQ coaches. Email for info on fast, affordable, comprehensive, no-residency program. Start immediately. Great for building a practice.
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